Smelts and the Pelts
by Leifa Stagsweed   
Thia recites:

    "And up next to entertain us - Leifa!"

Leifa breathes very slowly and deliberately, calming herself.

Leifa stands up.

Leifa rubs her bare-backed gown.

Leifa sashays gracefully up to a podium.

Leifa smiles out at everyone.

Leifa says, "Well, good evening, my friends."

Leifa exclaims, "So glad to see you all out again, in such vast numbers, too!"

Leifa's face lights up with joy.

Leifa says, "Quite a lovely crowd."

Leifa smiles sweetly.

Leifa says, "I have to say I have really enjoyed these lovely performances so far...."

Leifa gazes in wonder at your surroundings.

Leifa says, "And I apologize in advance."

Leifa chuckles to herself.

Leifa sashays gracefully up behind a podium.

Leifa exclaim, "You see, I have a bawdy tale to tell you all!"

Leifa lets loose with a loud jeer.  Boooooo!

Leifa raises her voice in merry laughter.

Leifa clears her throat.

Leifa says, "So cover your children's ears, if you have concern."

Leifa winks.

Leifa smiles and breathes in deeply as she begins her story.

Leifa recites:

    "Once there was a dwarf by the name Smelts.
        He drove a yoked cart stuffed bursting with pelts
         From town to town, he'd shuffle them 'round
           And spend his coins at the local town dwelts."

Leifa drops one silver.

Leifa glances at a silver coin.

Leifa sashays about gracefully, just enjoying herself.

Leifa smirks.

Leifa recites:

    "Now ye'd not know but Smelts is quite the rake
       He'd work his magic on barmaids in his wake
         And quite often he'd find, after some pheasant and wine
          they oft agree to a quick toss and a shake."

Leifa thumbs the feather fan in her hand.

Leifa giggles softly.

Leifa winks.

Leifa puts an ostrich feather fan in her soft rose-hued musette.

Leifa recites:

    "Now one such night, our fine Smelts had chance at a go
       with a brawny, buxom lassie with hair spun like gold
        With a smart little smack, he spanked her arse up the back
       of his wagon onto those furry soft folds."

Leifa gets a bear hide from her soft rose-hued musette.

Leifa rubs the bear hide in her hand.

Leifa shivers.

Leifa recites:

    "That sweet blonde, she went down with a plop and a jiggle
        And Smelts got right to work on that lass with a tickle
        While they frolicked and romped, the oxen did stomp
          But they ne'r discovered they'd soon be in a pickle."

Leifa gets a briny spiced dill pickle from her soft rose-hued musette.

Leifa glances at the spiced dill pickle in her hand.

Leifa snickers.

Leifa puts a bear hide in her soft rose-hued musette.

Leifa recites:

    "Now when I mention this snack, it's not quite what you think
        See ol' Smelts didn't notice that he'd spilt his Moonshine drink
         And all over the hay, upon which the tramp he did lay
          Was soaked through with that noxious stink."

Leifa gets a bottle of Manor Moonshine from her soft rose-hued musette.

Leifa smells a bottle of Manor Moonshine.

Leifa wrinkles her nose.

Leifa puts a briny spiced dill pickle in her soft rose-hued musette.

Leifa recites:

    "Just then two street rats set down by that curb to play
       With some matches they'd stoled from the larder that day
         They giggled and goofed, at the sounds o'er their roof
          Of our Smelts and his romp o' so gay."

Leifa gets a tiny matchbox enameled with blue and silver flames from her soft rose-hued musette.

Leifa glances at the Manor Moonshine in her hand.

Leifa begins to twitch.

Leifa recites:

    "When those boys they did strike the match flint
        Time seemed to stand still but for an instant
         Just as Smelts hit his mark, that match lit up a spark
          Exploding them all near to splints!"

Leifa gestures.  A sudden burst of bright light emanates from her hand!

Leifa ducks her head.

Leifa flails her arms about.

Leifa recites:

    "Fur flying, boys crying, the oxen bolt
        Poor Smelts and the tart they did jolt
         Burnt crisp, bruised, and beat
           Fell into the street, Smelts forever branded a delinquent old dolt!"

Leifa bursts out in triumphant laughter!

Leifa waves her Manor Moonshine around.

Leifa curtsies.