The Kobold Song

by Jersea
(Bardfest 5106)

Dremerie smiles as she reaches into her satchel pulling out a pile of papers and drops them into her purple hat. She shakes the hat a few times, then reaches in and stirs the papers thoroughly.

(Dremerie pulls out one paper covered in sand and seaweed.)

Dremerie says, "Definitely a River's Rester."

Dremerie says, "All this sand..."

(Dremerie opens the paper carefully, sand spilling from the paper to the stage.)

Dremerie recites:

And the first one to perform tonight is:
JERSEA!

(Stalvos takes Jersea by the hand and escorts her to the stage, lifting her up onto it.)

Jersea smiles at Stalvos and thanks him for his assistance.

Jersea smiles and greets the judges.

Jersea sets up a slim copper music stand.

Jersea puts a tankard of Winterberry Ale on a slim copper music stand that is on the ground.

Jersea grins.

Jersea removes a beribboned feather trimmed tambourine rimmed with bright silver bells from in her turquoise music satchel.

Jersea puts a beribboned feather trimmed tambourine rimmed with bright silver bells on a slim copper music stand that is on the ground.

Jersea smiles as she steps out to face the audience.

Jersea grins.

Jersea says, “Stalvos brought some appropriate refreshments to pass out after the performance. But you have to wait.”

Jersea nods.

Jersea grins.

Jersea says, "The tale you are about to hear is a true event. It happened quite some time back in the town of River's Rest."

Jersea ponders.

Jersea says, "A few facts to note. Citizens of River's Rest love their Winterberry Ale. Winterberry Ale can be bought at the bar in the Stone Eye. Byron is the bartender at the Stone Eye. Though he is a mongrel kobold, we generally don't hold that against him. He's really a decent sort of fellow. But he's had his moments..... as you shall see."

You nod.

Jersea says, "Lastly, and most important item to note...."

Jersea exclaims, "DON'T mess with our Ale!"

Jersea grins impishly.


Jersea removes a feather-trimmed fir harp from in her turquoise music satchel.

Jersea plucks the strings of her harp, carefully checking the tone. The string makes a dull *thud* as she releases it.

Jersea says, "Hmmmm."

Jersea sings softly, “Me me me me”

Jersea coughs.

Jersea puts a feather-trimmed fir harp in her turquoise music satchel.

Jersea removes a beribboned feather trimmed tambourine rimmed with bright silver bells from on a slim copper music stand.

Jersea slowly raises her tambourine and begin to tap out a slow, soothing beat.

Jersea recites thoughtfully:

“Nothing unusual about that day
Some folk at work and some at play
Though it certainly didn't end that way
When the kobolds came to town.”

(Jersea nods to the audience.)

Jersea sings quietly:

“I don't know who spotted them first
They sorta came in a giant burst
But folks just chuckled "This isn't the worst!"
When the kobolds came to town.”

Jersea weaves her tambourine's soft rhythm with intricate flourishes and a dash of drama.

Jersea sings powerfully:

“Swinging away with all their might
Mongrel kobolds put up a fight
Time to clear the town of this crazy blight
Of kobolds that came to town"


Jersea nods.

Jersea buildsa dizzying rhythm with hermbourine, all quick breaths and fluttering pulses as the beat escalates.

Jersea recites excitedly:

“But what they were swinging caught the eye
"Ale abuse!" went up the cry!
"Today these critters are going to die!"
Those kobolds that came to town”

Jersea removes a tankard of Winterberry Ale from on a slim copper music stand.

Jersea gazes thoughtfully at her Winterberry Ale.

Cleverly using hands, elbows, shoulders, hips and feet to create a dizzying rhythm, Jersea is fairly dancing with her tambourine!

Jersea sings raucously:

“Seems the kobolds were making quite merry
Swinging those bottles of Winterberry
Still, all in all, they weren't very scary
Mongrel kobolds that came to town”

Jersea sings raucously:

“They'd take a swig then swing away
These mongrel kobolds couldn't stay
We'd have to clear them from the way
Nasty kobolds that came to town”

Jersea raises her Winterberry Ale in a toast!

Jersea takes a drink from her Winterberry Ale.

Jersea weaves her tambourine's soft rhythm with intricate flourishes and a dash of drama.

Jersea sings rhythmically:

"So one by one we took them out
Some by sword and some by shout
And saved the Ale for the end of the bout
With the kobolds that wandered the town"

Jersea continues deftly measuring a rhythm with her tambourine.

Jersea raises her Winterberry Ale in a toast!

Jersea lets loose with a shout of exultation!

Jersea exclaims, "To us!"

Jersea takes a drink from her Winterberry Ale.

Jersea completes the last beat with a flourish, lowering her tambourine.

Jersea puts a beribboned feather trimmed tambourine rimmed with bright silver bells on a slim copper music stand that is on the ground.

Jersea recites wistfully:

What happened next caused much dismay
The bottles were fragile and crumbled away
And many folk were heard to say
Blast those kobolds that came to town

Jersea glances at the Winterberry Ale in her hand.

Jersea sobs.

Jersea sings mournfully:

Shoddy workmanship caused much distress
And broken glass made quite a mess
But where the Ale'd come from was anyone's guess
Did the kobolds find it in town?

Jersea gazes thoughtfully at her Winterberry Ale.

Jersea ponders.

Jersea sings shrilly:

Suspicious thoughts ran wild and free
More kobolds joined in the melee
"Save one to talk!" was the decree
Of the kobolds that came to town

Jersea smiles maniacally as she clutches her tambourine and shakes it wildly.

Jersea marches back and forth, sharply turning at the end of each stride.

Jersea recites frustratedly:

Drunken kobolds wandered the town
Drinking the Ale we couldn't down
All we now could do was frown
At the kobolds that came to town

Jersea frowns at a tankard of Winterberry Ale.

Jersea grumbles.

Jersea recites sarcastically:

"Bribery and negotiation
Cannot change the situation
It's only leading to frustration!
At the kobolds that came to town"

Jersea impatiently stamps her feet.

Jersea growls ferociously!

Jersea sings powerfully:

"Then one of the kobolds did start to speak
And his words were rather bleak
It made those listening want to shriek
At thieving kobolds in our town"

Jersea looks at the Ale and shrieks at the top of her lungs.

Jersea sings resoundingly:

""We have crates of this stuff. It good" said he
"We need more " Well it's not going to be!
We don't share our Winterberry
Not with kobolds who raid the town"

Jersea’s jaw drops.

Jersea exclaims, "Never!"

Jersea raises her fist in a display of defiance.

Jersea recites tersely:

"Interrogations then began
To find their Ale was our plan
But then that kobold made his stand
On why the kobolds came to town"

Jersea paces back and forth, muttering something about kobolds.

Jersea sings resonantly:

""Now we take her ale and leave"
Such boldness we could not believe
What trick could he have up his sleeve?
That kobold in our town"

Jersea blinks in puzzlement at her own condition.

Jersea sings resoundingly:

"So while we all stand there arguing
"Take it all home!" from that kobold rings
Is it possible we heard such a thing?
Bold kobold in our town"

(Jersea laughs aloud at the idea that a mongrel kobold could command such a thing.)

Jersea throws back her head and roar with laughter!

Jersea pauses in place for a moment, trying to decide which way to go.

Jersea recites quickly:

"Wait just a minute.. They wouldn't try
The cry went up "To the Stone Eye"
"Defend the Ale!" was our cry.
From the kobolds that came to town"

Jersea sings hurriedly:

"With fear we hurry on our way
Race to the bar with no delay
They surely cannot get away
The kobolds that came to town"

Jersea paces back and forth.

(Jersea mimics climbing the steps to the Stone Eye.)

Jersea recites gravely:

"At the bar, we ask Byron "How's the Ale?"
That mongrel kobold looks rather pale
Replies "They took it all!" and begins to wail
Horrible kobolds that came to town"

Jersea blinks in puzzlement at her own condition.

Jersea cries loudly, wailing as the tears flow like a river.

Jersea exclaims, "Noooooooo!"

Jersea recites frustratedly:

"In disbelief we drop our jaws
His answer gives us all a pause
All our Ale is in the claws
Of the kobolds that came to town?"

Jersea feels a bit weak in the knees and finds herself wobbling.

Jersea gulps.

Jersea stares at her Winterberry Ale.

Jersea hangs her head.

Jersea recites spitefully:

"If kobolds want Ale they should have to pay
But Byron, that coward, got out of the way
He's really not popular at all today
Except with the kobolds that raided the town"

(Jersea pounds one of her fists into the other, and stares of into space remembering.)

Jersea removes a beribboned feather trimmed tambourine rimmed with bright silver bells from on a slim copper music stand.

Jersea tests her tambourine with a gentle thump, then raises her head with a smile and begins a rapid beat.

Jersea sings thunderously:

"A raiding party quickly forms
As some at Byron yell and storm
"How could you!" "Is this the norm?"
Traitor kobold in our town"

Holding the tambourine lightly in her hand, Jersea builds a rapid rhythm, rising and falling with drama and emotion.

Jersea sings shriekingly:

"We travel to the mongrels home
And the hallways thoroughly comb
Looking for kobolds who possibly roam
The drunk kobolds that came from our town"

With small, deft movements of her wrist and arm, Jersea shapes a rapid beat with her tambourine.

Jersea sings grimly:

"Empty-handed we return
There wasn't much that we did learn
We return with great concern
Are the kobolds still in town?"

The air suddenly stills as Jersea halts her whirling rhythm as suddenly as she began, silencing her tambourine.

Jersea recites exasperatedly:

"Much discussion then ensues
About what happened to the booze
But we are greeted with the news
That kobold is back in town"

Jersea paces back and forth, muttering something about kobolds.

Jersea sings snidely:

"He's back in town to tease and taunt
And for us his antics flaunt
But our ale is what we want
From that kobold in our town"

Jersea snorts a derisive laugh, sneering in mockery.

Jersea sings pleadingly:

"We beg and plead to no avail
Then we rant and rave and rail
At that kobold who laughs and heads down the trail
That kobold who came to our town"

Jersea stares at nothing in particular.

Jersea recites hopefully:

"Back to the Eye and Byron and questions
Hopefully he has some suggestions
Maybe a place those kobolds did mention
The kobolds that came to town"

Jersea feels that nervous twitch starting up again.

Jersea sigh.

Jersea sings jauntily:

"At least there's still some ale to buy
Though that keg on tap will soon go dry
It is the last of our ale supply
Thanks to kobolds who raided the town"

Jersea says, "Might as well make the best of a bad thing."

Jersea shrugs.

Jersea takes a drink from her Winterberry Ale. Nice.

Jersea sings rollickingly:

"The whole town goes on a buying spree
Stocking up on winterberry
And complaining drunkenly
About the kobolds that came to town"

Jersea takes a drink from her Winterberry Ale. Ah! Refreshing, indeed!

Jersea hiccups.

Jersea sings soulfully:

"Then the last of the ale has finally sold
One wonders what horrors will now unfold
The Rest gone dry should be a sight to behold
Shame on the kobolds who came to town"

Jersea takes a drink from her Winterberry Ale. Ah! Refreshing, indeed!

Jersea takes a drink from her Winterberry Ale. That was the last drop.

Jersea starts to cry all over the place.

Jersea recites sheepishly:

"Byron says with much chagrin
"Nine days 'til the next shipments in"
He shoud'na let those kobolds win
The kobolds who came to town"

Jersea grins drunkenly.

Jersea shakes her head, clucking her tongue.

Jersea sings moaningly:

"Nine days! Let's hope he cannot count
Please! Someone an expedition mount
To bring Ale.. and kobolds to account
Those kobolds who came to town"

Jersea falls to her knees and begins to grovel desperately.

Jersea sings mournfully:

"Nine days! How can we e're survive
No one will be left alive!
Through soberness we'll have to strive
Because kobolds came to town!"

Jersea hangs her head.

Jersea begs, doing her best to look very thirsty.

Jersea sings pleadingly:

"So beware my friends if you should see
A kobold enter merrily
Give heed and listen to my plea
Keep kobolds from coming to town!"

Jersea stands back up.

Jersea curtsies.


Jersea removes a tankard of Winterberry Ale from in her turquoise music satchel.

Jersea raises her Winterberry Ale in a toast!

Jersea recites:

”To Winterberry!"

Jersea lets out a cheer!